I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
