i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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