I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
