so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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