I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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