It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
