Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
