Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize