New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize