I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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