I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Help. Why am I so naked?
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