I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
this boner is exhausting
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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