That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
