i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
