i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
