what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
