Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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