Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
