Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
