i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
