sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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