We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
