the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
