now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
