So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
