Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
