went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
