i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
