i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
