At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
