Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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