shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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