you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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