I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
