Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
