i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Operation Purity has been aborted
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
