So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
