Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
