I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
