Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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