South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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