I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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