i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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