Tell her she can't have a vagina
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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