went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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