I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
