did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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