ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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