Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
