He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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