I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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