it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
