Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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